Dreams 2

Dizzy msged me today on msn... asked me abt lucid dreaming... told him i had it b4 on numerous occasions gah realatives here continue later..

Man it took me a long time to get back to this but here it goes anyway been practising out some of the exercises... well it paid off i guess rem my dreams much clearer....though the dreams that are clearer are usually wierder... though have yet to induce a lucid dream at will will keep working on it... damn getting lazy again...

grr hahaha well lazy to give examples will write more when i can be bothered to *giggles*

Dreams

hmmm its starting to get unclear so wish to write this down asap....the dream occured twice the repeat like a broken record...as of now already i dont rem much.... 4 ppl involed... 1 guy 2 gals and myself i dont know them in this world yet 1 i get a sense of strong linkage....the dream wasnt long i rem reading some text on a piece of white paper my finger scrolling the text as i went from word to word but the words escape me now... *sighs* i loook up i saw this girl infront of me full of hope waiting for good news dreading to hear bad( the 1 i felt linked to)....i look to the right to see this couple beside me chinese couple hmmm maybe the guy wasnt exactly chinese but he was fair the girl with was though.... already the faces are blur to me now..... *sighs somemore* the girl looked at me and clung tightly to the arm of the guy and the guy shook his head..... i wonder what they saw on my face. i looked back to the first girl and i shook my head sighing heavily.... the things i see were blured yet the emotions were clear.... the girl's face crumpled at my shaking of head... something bad has happened..... then it started again with the reading of then but this time i didnt look at the couple instead i closed my eyes... likew i needed to calm myself it was all black the flame was there like in my exercises... this time it changed to a source of light not a flame anymore then it became 2.... streams of light came out like in Light shows....
it didnt stay at 1 placeslowly floating around strangely this part of the dream was very clear very very clear.... i rem somehow reaching out for the lights 1 went past me in a flash the other slowly floated to the centre i reached out more and more and the source grew dimmer but the streams grew longer like as if it was reaching to me as well.... it came to a point it engulfed the blackness of my view and sudden the blackness was there again this time with swirls of fire circling the blackness like a tunnel.... huge surge of energy came to me like a crashing wave.... i was like in a tunnel...a vortex or something...i was drawing it and it was drawing me.... whatever it was...... it stayed like that for the longest time and then RINGGGGG!!!! alarm rang... haha end of story.... felt like a first touch of something or i could be like just making something out of nothing *shruggs* we will see....

Sigh and sigh

the past week or so been kinda bummed out *sighs* back then didnt really know why... after meeting up with lin and the twins kinda hit me.... the lonliness conversation is back to bite my ass.... *sighs* well its more of the fundamental lonliness abit of lonliness for a partner.... somehow lately as i reach out more to others in efforts to find out what extrovertness could be like for me(i kept to myself alot) ... i seem to be losing grip on myself.... to put it simply the more i interact the lonelier i feel... from what ive learnt/experienced feelings are mechanical. so whats pushing this damn button??!! grr.... i think i got it....i think.... well my efforts are well... cant say very successful for myself... god i see so many things experience after experience yet i feel the lack of having ppl to share it with this space of love is wonderful on its own yet all the experiences starting to feel kinda empty.... this space seems void and soon or later if this keeps up i might lose access to this space...what i got outta pos after 1 of the processes was that every1 is alone funny so many ppl around the world and every1 feels lonely no wonder humans are mad... yet we hold on to this thin thread of a concept that sanity exists.....*shudders* how sinister our world is designed..... is there anything i could do abt this? at this point i dont know not sure confused... continue to reach out? keep to myself? both?! prob both but seems like i dont have much capacity for that atm.... *sighs* at least dont feel bogged down after letting it out here.... going back to me not being successful its the failure and the fear of not being able to succeed... though i have had small wins here and there.. possibly could build up to bigger wins? *shruggs* i already set this game in motion time to play it out and see how things goes... intend for things to balance themselves out... all the best di *pats himself on the back* haha we are all insignificant after all what does it matter what we do?

Visitor

Yesterday i was just in the toilet..was thinking of my entities feeling their presense around me. Kinda got into daydreaming alittle when suddenly this line popped into my head 'You have died a voilent death' i was like huh? where the fuck that came from. Voice was foriegn yet familiar...Since it came out of nowhere totally aside from my daydreaming figured it gotta be something. i called out and asked who that was.. Silence... hmm i decided to close my eyes and cleared my space. when i was ready i called out again. after a few times a a hooded figure appeared he was wearing a simple silver mask covering the bottom half of his face upper half was total darkness. well actually it was all black in my mind only could see the outline of the hood and the silver mask.though it was in my mind i could feel his presense like the rest of my entities. Shadowy figure yet there wasnt any fear. i asked again who he was and again silence. kinda gave up on that and i asked whats his purpose was appearing b4 me.. 'i have something to show you.' i was like ok..... waited awhile but nothing happened so i asked what is it that he wanted to show me. He kept quiet for a bit like he was thinking and then said 'I cannot speak of it' OK...... i wanted to ask what is it i was suppose to see but i held back for some reason JUST realised its the same question and would get the same answer. i asked instead when will i see it.. ' You will see' he repeated that a few times. OKAAAYYY........ i got a sense that kinda ended the conversation.... though i was left with a wierd feeling something was up.... i called out Ilaf then.
when he appeared i asked him if it was him and if it was a prank in that order and he giggled and replied 'yes..... no' i asked if that answered in order or for both questions. he giggled and left. -.-"
GREAT! im suppose to see something but i dont know what where when how why.... oh well time will tell i think... prob know what it is when it happens...

Story of my life

was just writing the previous post 'Visitor' when i flipped to this song ive always felt connected to this song since i first heard it way b4 i took on TCC ... it took on a different meaning today.. it summarizes my life till now and what i intend for the future...

Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

Raindrops falling on my head...

i love watching the rain... dont ya? say ya do! ermm... *shifty eyes* like i care HAH! *Hammers the schizo back in* Sorry voices getting out of hand again *shakes fist at them* now behave... Ahem where was i? ah yes the rain. something abt watching the rain seems to slow time down...
first time it happened for me though or at least to my recollection. My senses flared i could hear feel see the rain like i was one with it... man that energizing... was feeling kinda shitty after a mild asthma attack this morning... but the rain fixed that up.... though the experience felt kinda familiar...

treading on tiles

ok i just got back from the shops on my way there and on my way home i walked this specific pathway along my block coz it was raining... well i just happen to look down at my feet and i noticed something. every step i took the lines the partitions between the tiles made kinda.... flickered. i dont know how else to decribe this. the distance this 'flickering' happened covered abt a metre radius around me. well not the first of this sort of thing happened i saw BMWs get warped doors and even tiny waves created on floors as i walk as if i stepped on water only its bone dry. *shruggs*

Halloween!

Dont know why i didnt write this earlier but hey i just started this so bear with me... Saturday chat with Zhong on msn. He said something abt dressing up for a hall party an i was like huh? turns out to be halloween... duh...starting to think im being brain dead... my memory is like shit so be4 i turn into a zombie and start gnawing at every1 so i better start jotting stuff down so you guys have a rough idea when ill be knocking at your door step.. Ggrawr! ok back to what i was saying... geez i get so sidetracked easily sometimes... ooo there i go again! -.- nvm so we agreed an hr + later found myself smoking at the entrance of cineleisure. Is it just me or Singapore girls are better fed nowadays? Either that or the army really screwed with my brain.... i was waiting for awhile but hey i wasnt complaining ;) hah anyway got a call from Sey mintues later we were in Zhong's car zipping around like a merry-go-round coz we dont know where the damn costume shop was. Weeee zip we go again back to town.... ended up at far east deyna went to cut his hair me and zhong walked around a tad bit chong wanted to find leather pants. turns out we didnt get anything and Sey paid 40 bucks for a haircut which i think i could have done haha. Zip we go again after talking to Feng on the phone and we found out where the shop is. Apparently we did drive past the shop once hahaha... -.-' Cotume picking! took sometime shop was crowded i seriously thought i was gonna end up renting a duck suit or something coz they ran out of stuff. turns out they still had stuff i rented a suit called Master of the Shadows... red robe thingy with a mesh lining infront so i could see out and no1 could see in...thought it wasnt too bad till later that night( the hood could only be brought down foward and i look like i had a huge flower on my shoulders... Well the guys specifically mentioned hibiscus grrr =/) Lifeng rented a preists outfit which looked like a nun's gown from behind haha deyna picked out a mustache thing which was long enough to tuck behind his ears *shudders* chong wanted to go looking something like Luna sea so he had the stuff at home minus a few after which we went to parkway to get andLifeng went off first to catch a movie. Off to parkway! chong wanted to pick out some make up so he called Elaine down. Chong, we took a couple of hrs to pick out a bowtie and an eyeliner! just realised that... haha anyway we also had wait for Elaine and Luci to arrive. Luci decided to dress up as a.......priest! yay another 1! well aparently Lcui was a catholic priest and feng is a christian priest. Such diversity.. hah after that we went to chong's place so he could get ready sey went home after which he went first with jamie to zouk. took us awhile to get ready well actually just chong and his make up :P anywaywe reached zouk at 11+. tad earlier Sey called and said we were underdressed haha.... turned out to be true some were really outrageous haha.. though from where we came out of the carpark no 1 was dressed up for the occasion we thought we got the date wrong or something hahah queued for half hr then we got in. Leon join us there. he was in a whole black outfit with a scream mask with could bleed...wont really talk much abt the night there it wasnt kinda dull in my opinion *shruggs* prob i was the dull 1. well i kinda just stood around though quite a couple of times i got dragged by some anonymous character to take pics with. sometimes it happened so fast all i know was some1 was tugging at me turn around saw a flash got blinded and when my vision clear i had no freaking idea who i just took a pic with ahaha... its a new experience kinda enjoyed that... after awhile we headed to phuture saw lynette there.she looked hot in the cop outfit. good going girl ;) Prob the highlight of the night was at phuture coz actually did some dancing. Got connected with the music (even though its not sometihing i listen to on a regular basis) got in the space and just let loose... oh forgot to mention all this time Sey wasnt around... Jamie's wallet got stolen and they went to the police station to report it... :( Chong i still owe ya 30 buck for entry remidn me when my pay gets banked in. Anyway the night ended with a wonderful thing happening in chong's car. (refer to Light Show post) i prob missed out alot of stuff here but im kinda sleepy right now seeing its 330 am and i might wanna write abt other stuff...