Sigh and sigh

the past week or so been kinda bummed out *sighs* back then didnt really know why... after meeting up with lin and the twins kinda hit me.... the lonliness conversation is back to bite my ass.... *sighs* well its more of the fundamental lonliness abit of lonliness for a partner.... somehow lately as i reach out more to others in efforts to find out what extrovertness could be like for me(i kept to myself alot) ... i seem to be losing grip on myself.... to put it simply the more i interact the lonelier i feel... from what ive learnt/experienced feelings are mechanical. so whats pushing this damn button??!! grr.... i think i got it....i think.... well my efforts are well... cant say very successful for myself... god i see so many things experience after experience yet i feel the lack of having ppl to share it with this space of love is wonderful on its own yet all the experiences starting to feel kinda empty.... this space seems void and soon or later if this keeps up i might lose access to this space...what i got outta pos after 1 of the processes was that every1 is alone funny so many ppl around the world and every1 feels lonely no wonder humans are mad... yet we hold on to this thin thread of a concept that sanity exists.....*shudders* how sinister our world is designed..... is there anything i could do abt this? at this point i dont know not sure confused... continue to reach out? keep to myself? both?! prob both but seems like i dont have much capacity for that atm.... *sighs* at least dont feel bogged down after letting it out here.... going back to me not being successful its the failure and the fear of not being able to succeed... though i have had small wins here and there.. possibly could build up to bigger wins? *shruggs* i already set this game in motion time to play it out and see how things goes... intend for things to balance themselves out... all the best di *pats himself on the back* haha we are all insignificant after all what does it matter what we do?